You thought only Physical abuse amount to Domestic Vilence “NO”

Are you a Victim of Domestic Violence?
You thought only Physical abuse amount to Domestic Vilence “NO”

"Although physical abuse is thought to be the most obvious form of abuse, emotional abuse has the potential to be even more devastating than physical abuse. This is because it is hard to prove and, thus, difficult to stop," Many people find that emotional abuse is difficult to even talk about, as others seldom take it seriously.

"Repeated verbal abuse such as blaming, ridiculing, insulting, swearing, yelling and humiliation has long-term negative effects on your self-esteem. It contributes to a perception of uselessness, worthlessness and self-blame,"

Eventually, emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating emotional scars that can be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones.

Am a post graduate working for a software co. in Bangalore. My husband also a software professional and we have been married for 6years. Our only son is 3 yrs. We have had problem with marriage right from the beginning. Ours was an Internet marriage. He had faked about his qualification and also kept away from me the fact that he was undergoing psychiatric treatment for depression for couple of years. By the time I found out it was too late. Like any other Indian girl, I tried to “adjust”, “compromise” and then started a saga of emotional abuse.

First it was Rejection : Refusing to acknowledge a person's worth; telling me that I am useless or inferior; devaluing my thoughts and feelings.

Then started Verbal assaults: Degrading, insulting, ridiculing, belittling, criticising, name calling, screaming, threatening, behaviour that, over time, erodes the identity, dignity and self-worth of the person.

Isolation: Restricting normal contact with others; limiting freedom within the person's own environment. We did not have any social life for 6 yrs. We never went to anybody’s house for Lunch/Dinner. Nor did we invite others.

Unreasonable expectations: Placing unreasonable demands and wanting a person to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. Unreasonable expectations from me about taking leave and sitting at home once or twice in a week. I was asked to look for a part time job or come back by before 6’o clock. Being in a Senior position its almost impossible to do that.

Constant chaos: Deliberately starting arguments and being in constant conflict with others. The person may be 'addicted to drama' since it creates a sense of excitement. For anything and everything there was drama at home.

Denial: Denying a person's emotional needs with the intent of hurting, punishing or humiliating him/ her. Also, denying that certain events occurred or that certain things were said by saying, "I never said that," "I don't know what you're talking about," etc. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and even question your sanity. It used to happen in every conversation.

Emotional blackmail: Playing on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, and other 'emotional buttons' to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, to totally reject or abandon you, or the use of other fear tactics to control you. "Jealousy, possessiveness and interrogation about a partner's whereabouts and activities are examples of controlling behaviours that restrict a partner's independence and freedom,"

Invalidation: Undermining a person's perceptions of their world. For example, if the recipient tells the abuser they felt hurt by something he/ she did or said, the abuser might say "You are too sensitive. That shouldn't hurt you."

Financial Abuse: All my earning were invested in the household. And all properties and assets have been registerd under his name. My loss runs in to lakhs but more importantly "I have lost my life"

Cycle of emotional abuse
Emotional abuse often follows a pattern.
In the first phase, there is a build-up of tension and a breakdown in communication.
The second phase involves the actual incident of verbal and emotional abuse.
The third phase involves reconciliation. The abuser apologises, offers excuses, blames the victim, denies the abuse occurred, or says it wasn't as bad as the victim claims.
Finally, in the fourth phase, there is calm. The incident is 'forgotten' and no abuse is taking place. Then, after some time, the cycle repeats itself.

Check List – Are you emotionally abused?

Take a moment to consider these questions. They will help you identify if you are being emotionally abused, and provide some ideas on what you can do about it.
Do you feel your partner controls your life?
Do you feel your partner doesn't value your thoughts and feelings?
Does your partner ever criticise you, humiliate you, threaten/ intimidate you, or undermine your self-esteem?
Does your partner get angry and jealous if you talk to someone else? Are you accused of having affairs?
Do you get mixed messages, such as the reason you're being abused is because he/ she loves you?
Does your partner tell you no one else would want you, or that you're lucky he/ she takes care of you?
Does your partner use the children against you in arguments or threaten you'll never see them again if you leave?
Does your partner blame you for whatever goes wrong?
Do you do anything you can to please your partner or not upset him/ her?
Have you noticed changes in your eating, sleeping or alcohol usage?
Do you feel sick, anxious, tired or depressed most of the time?
Have you lost self-confidence and are unable to make decisions for yourself?
Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or neighbours?
Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?
Does your partner refuse to share household and family responsibilities?

What can you do about it ??
Realise that emotional abuse is a serious problem, and can be as bad or worse than physical abuse.
Emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse. Take the issue your own safety and the safety of your children (if any) seriously.
Know that you are not to blame for your partner's abusive behaviour and that no one ever deserves to be abused.
Find people to talk to, who can support you.(If you are in Bangalore dial 1091) Consider going for counselling. If possible, convince your spouse to go as well. Take the help of your near and dear ones.
Know that you have the right to make your own decisions, in your own time, and that dealing with any type of abuse may take time.
Trust yourself and your own perceptions. Believe in your strengths.
Remember that you are not alone and help is available.
Getting your self-esteem back on track is a priority. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. If we are willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, it's quite possible we treat ourselves the same way.

What sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as "I am no good" or "I never do anything right" dominate your thought process? Learning to love and care for yourself increases self-esteem and makes it more likely you will have healthy relationships.

The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 is for you !!!! Stand Up and safe guard your rights...

Source:www.rediff.com