Change the Channel

I’m a single mom, not exactly the best “stereotype”. It brings up certain preconceived notions, people automatically expect me to be poor, depressed, obese. While that’s certainly one of the available options, I prefer to watch a different channel (Thank you Pam Grout).

 
Here’s what my page says: “She is a world traveler, a loving mother, a budding millionaire, a best-selling author (well, you are already reading my post), maintains a figure to die for, and an inspiring witness to everyone she meets.”

 

I have been there, done that .. Being bankrupt to homeless. But this is not about me , This is about you. And you my dear friend, I want you to pay some attention to your life, your finances and your career.

Lets start with money

Do you feel secure financially ? Whatever be your profession , Doctor, Teacher, Scientist, I won't even ask how long have you been working...Don't you feel if you had saved 10% of what you earned over the years you would have been a millionaire by now ? It feels awesome to live a debt free life, to wake up and feel am 'rich'. Here is my definition of being rich. "Rich is when you don't have to think twice about buying anything."

Have I reached there yet ? No, but am on my way .... Let's do it together

Here are the golden rules:

 

Rule No. 1

Income - (minus) Expense is not equal to Savings

Income - (minus) Savings is equal to expenses.

 

Rule No. 2

Divide your income into 2 or 3 equal parts

Part 1 : Expenses

Part 2 : EMI (Home/car/any other)

Part 3 : Savings

 

As your income increases the equation should move to

Part 1 : Expense + EMI

Part 2 : Savings

 

Choose one of the rules from above which seems easier for you to follow. Will take you to financial freedom in 5 years flat ! But hey you and me are not the "rabbit" in the race but more of a "tortoise".

 

Here is an easier start, it helped me achieve a breakthrough.

•  Start with a small target in mind. For eg: Rs.5,000 or 10,000.
•  Open an RD account with the post office or recurring deposit   with your bank.
•  Transfer this on the first day of every month like you pay your utility bills.
• In your mind there is no pre-mature withdrawal option.

Year 2

• Open a SIP account in addition to the above RD and start investing Rs. 10,000 every month.
• Transfer this on the first day of every month like you pay your utility bills.
• In your mind there is no pre-mature withdrawal option.

These two are a part of your expense statement every month and your savings "quota"from the equation above  remains untouched. This should help you build an emergency fund , start with a goal of one month gross earnings and throw a party when you achieve 6 months earnings tucked away into a different bank account. Keep it as far as possible and if you resist the temptation for a year, then you are allowed to dip your hand into the candy jar and refill as soon as you can. You are free to keep me as the "guardian" for the "angel" fund !!!

Lets start with making ourselves happy. Along with feeding builders and designers , lets enjoy life as we earn.

Start with giving yourself a generous allowance. Its like dieting, if your start off with starving, your diet plan will backfire in less than a week. We are in this for a long haul. How much is a "good allowance" which includes

- Shopping Plan
- Eating out schedule
- Movies
- Miscellaneous (Anything else)

Can we agree on these principles.

Buying only one set of clothes at a time, however you are allowed to buy often, Now decide how much is your estimated budget. Let's say Rs. 1500-2000. Cool, that's line item 1. Keep buying every alternate month or even every month, and be in trend. When you buy 3-4 sets , they get faded together, go out of fashion together. And you hate all your clothes anyway, don't you. Buy the best ones, sale or no sale. But Summer or winter only one set at a time.

You like eating out ? I just love it. Lets decide on the frequency. Every weekend or twice a month ? If you are a fine dining person, is it possible to be happy with 2 visits to fancy restaurants ?  Now here is the trick. Stick to your 'favorite' food. Don't waste your energy just b'cos you haven't tried that fancy sounding dish. And for 2 people you don't need 4 dishes. Most of the time you can judge a persons character by the way they order food. Are you the kind who is like I wanna try this and that and also that yummy desert and your partner has to order something that he can have too. Think about it. World isn't ending today, you can always have that fancy dish next time. Can we agree at an allowance of  Rs. 4000 a month, that's for two lunch/dinner outings, right. Excellent, that's line item 2.

Movies : This could also be bi-monthly, add another Rs. 2000 to it.

All other pursuits : Keep a buffer of Rs. 4000. Do whatever else you like. Get a nice massage, or a session with the new hairstylist in town,  join belly dancing, or even kick boxing like me.

This sounds super cool. All 'you' need for your personal expenses is just 10K !!! You have already equivalent amount in your savings plan. Challenge yourself that you are allowed to increase your personal allowance at the same ratio of savings. So if you wanna spend 15k on a festive month, you first have to save 15k. What say ?? Trust me by third month you would say lemme spend 9k so that I have to only save 9k ...And there you have achieved your first milestone. Being in control. Its a mind game.

So what do you do if you exhaust your allowance by 25th of a month. Very simple stay at home and watch TV ..There is action, romance, drama..all yours.

Now there is more to life that just money..watch this space for more.

 

Mystery Eyes

It was a hot summer afternoon. Sunday Soul Sante was in full spree. I and my girls friends have been waiting for this summer edition for a long time. Fun, frolic and entertainment. Soul Sante is my favorite event in the city. You get to see the fashionista , the art lovers, foodies, all under one roof. The atmosphere is just electric.

This is probably my third outing to the Sante and I have always noticed this tarot reader who is a regular at the event. Have always been fascinated with tarot readers. There is some kind of mystery in their eyes. As if they have access to a world beyond you. Some karmic connection. I don’t believe in astrology or godmen or anything that defies logic. Yet this lady, who  in her late 40’s attracted me soo much. Extremely beautiful, with long straight hair, and those silver streaks gave her an elegant touch. Her eyes were deep… hazel eyes. You get drawn into them.

I kept watching her , standing at a distance. Her clients were two college girls. They wanted to know about career direction. She was so patient with them, counseling one of the girls that she should join her father in the family business and should not even think twice. I was quite impressed by her approach and counseling and decided to give it a try.

What I was about to experience is something totally unexpected and was completely new to me. She offered me a seat and we exchanged a few pleasantries. She explained the rate card. A full tarot reading which covers all aspects of your life career, finances, relationships etc. or you could ask two questions. I chose the latter. She asked for my birthdate and closed her eyes for 10 seconds. “Sometime during the middle of last year you decided to break free from all ties, friends and family and you wanted to explore the world at your own terms, this year you did achieve or do some of those things in your list of to-do’s, You are a free spirit !! ” My eyes literally popped out. Here I am sitting across a complete stranger wearing a pair of black jeans and a full sleeve top ( there was no power at home and so could not iron any of my cotton tops) no funky jewellery, no nothing that could give her any hint about what kinda personality I am.I was bowled !!

She went on to talk about “love” and gave me a lil gyan about it. Honestly I was too shocked to even concentrate or even understand what she was trying to tell me about love.

She said, this year am moving closer to God. Donno if that’s true cos I feel am moving away. Yes I do thank god almighty for everything I have in life..but lack a purpose or dream or even a wish list.
We moved on to relationships. I have never been a relationship keeper, so this is a vulnerable area.” You are a strong person, you have very high expectations from others and when they fail you find it very hard to accept it. There is lot of work that you need to do in this area. Let your anger out, holding it inside will make you burst. Start doing things for others when they aren’t asking for it.” You always do things when friends and family asks for it, however what will help you build solid connection is when you do without them asking or even before they ask. ” So what is your first question ? I fumbled with words as I didn’t really have one. ” Its the same , why do I have difficulties with relationships, in general for eg : it starts with my mother ” She goes on to explain that “expectations are the cause” and I keep wondering, Is that so ? What expectations do I have from Mom ?

And then she says ” You cannot accept it when someone tells you what to do , whereas you expect others to follow what you say ” There ..she said it ! That’s so much me … It was like someone from inside me was talking. Who else would know me so very well.

“Will I meet my soul mate anytime soon ??” She spreads the tarot cards and picked one which had the image of “twin flames” says, yes ofcourse. July is a good time. You need to be open to it. You have to believe that you are “worthy” of it. Go in with an open mind and things will unfold. There are blocks within you which you need to let go and cleanse your relationships until then. I was pretty much done. Didn’t have another question. What else could I ask ? Will I get a promotion ? That conversation I already had with my wonderful Boss,  last week. Finances are in order. House ..no don’t need another one. Enough of EMI non-sense. New car, well …choose the model, go to the showroom and pick the colour. I took my wallet out and she says, no we aren’t done yet.
She spreads the cards again and asks me pick one, I picked one and handed over to her. Come’on it was too much of a coincidence the same card ‘twin flames’ , and we both couldn’t resist laughing.
She continued chatting about life and relationships. We said bye to each other and I was ready to move on…She had touched my life..so dearly. Thank you Universe

What Every Woman Should Have

Originally written by Pamela Redmond Satran and was published in Glamour magazine in May, 1997.

What Every Woman Should Have:
-One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to (even if you wouldn’t) and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
-Enough money within your control to move out and rent a place on your own, even if you never want or need to.
-Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
-A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
-A youth you’re content to move beyond.
-A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
-A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
-One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
-A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
-Eight matching plates, wineglasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make your guests feel honored.
-A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
-A feeling of control over your destiny.
-A skin care regime, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
-A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

Every Woman Should Know:

-How to fall in love without losing yourself.
-How you feel about having kids.
-How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
-When to try harder and when to walk away.
-How to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
-How to have a good time at a party you’d never choose to attend.
-How to ask for what you want in a way that makes it most likely you’ll get it.
-That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
-That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
-What you would and wouldn’t do for love or money.
-How to live alone, even if you don’t like it.
-Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
-Where to go – be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a charming inn hidden in the woods – when your soul needs soothing.
-What you can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.
-Why they say life begins at 30.

Learn from your mistakes. Read between the lines.

So you are still trying hard ...to compromise and make it happen.. You got to talk to your innerself. Its the most difficult decision. But defenitly worth your tears and fears. How long do you wanna live under this agony, in pain and soreness that tear you down ? There are a million factors, parents, children, society, money, security ..the list is never ending. The decision is yours and the no one else but you got to live thru.

Rachana Sharma says If you think that these ideas do not work for you, you can start saving money to buy another house , not for your spouse, but for yourself.

1. Marriages are made in heaven but lived on earth.
2. Enjoy the toast if you bought a toaster and juice in case of juicer. Accept that toaster will remain toaster throughout its life. If you open up all of its parts in order to turn it into juicer, beware!! It will be of no use to you.
3. To teach a grown up it is sufficient to mention once or twice. If it is ignored it shows that the person is not ready to be taught yet. To teach somebody, sometimes silence works better and sometimes actions and, trust me, they are louder than our screams and shouts. But if they continue to ignore, the message is clear and loud to you ...Quit trying to impose !!
4. By no means you can make other person ‘understand’ something if he or she is not willing to understand first...Don't waste you energy on never ending arguments.
5. Differences are not always meant to be sorted out; many of them can be enjoyed. And every wrong need not to be corrected.
6. Never lose your focus in life in exchange for the high hopes of marriage. Always have at least one passion in which you can absorb yourself. That is the only key to fulfillment.

Go ahead , live life the way you love it .....

Make the bullies history - Shobha De

As a woman in India, I want to take my personal freedom for granted. Same as men. I am not asking for favours or demanding any concessions from society. All I am saying is, "Leave me alone to decide what is good for me." I don't want to be patronised or talked down to by a bunch of men, or even one man. Anybody, for that matter, even another woman. I hate the arrogance implicit in that. Why should any person believe he or she knows what is in my interests and in the larger interests of society? As an educated, urban adult, I am my own sole responsibility. I am looking for neither protection nor patronage. If I do make mistakes, they are my own, and the responsibility for the same rests with me.

Women remain India's most vulnerable minority. If we allow our agenda to be hijacked by mean-spirited, narrow-minded bigots, we have had it. Not only have we had it, but our daughters and their daughters have had it, too. We are obliged to speak up; no, shout out our objections, here and now, and make sure we are heard.

The only way forward is to form pressure groups and prosecute men like the Mangalore Molesters and the Bengaluru Beasties. For that to happen, we need sufficient numbers to participate in satyagrahas across India. Civil Disobedience brought down an empire not so long ago. These bullies are a piece of toast. Let us make them history.

http://week.manoramaonline.com/

Where words fail to value

I embrace the silence, who wakes up no souls
does not dream to transform
The never-ending journey of change
Oh fear …
You allow me not ..for I loose myself

Desolate, but have u on my side
Hold those droplets in you
For it has no where to go

Voyage is wearing
Where did we get mislaid?
Or is it that never found the way

Lonely in midst of swarm
U soothe my pain; and take me along
In stillness, hold me close
Where words fail to value

Breathe in the armor, Sheild within
layer so thorny that lets no words in

Thoughts are parting,
Seems so haze, frozen inside
Views are gray and talks vague

Paths off beam, leads nowhere
Keep going round n round

Bestow the glow, ray of hope
A reason to reside

One tragedy to another “mishap in progress”.

Life is a constant struggle. You move from one tragedy to another “mishap in progress”. The guardian’s turn detractor’s. Last night at around 10.30pm started getting calls from one of the Policemen who had helped me. Very odd . Why would some body who knows you in an official capacity and had interacted as a part of his duty disturb you late in the night ? Kept thinking the whole night. Was he trying to help me ? Was there something urgent, which could not wait until morning? Moreover the case has been closed, and its been more than a week. Every time the phone rang ..I was nervous. This trauma is gonna last long, not knowing what’s going to happen the next moment ? Waiting for the next abuser? Should I look at everybody at a potential threat??

There is only one answer. One of my friends had told me ….You are “Vulnerable” emotionally, mentally, physically, monetarily and maybe in many more ways. And yes you got to gather more strengh, more courage , more determination to face the challenge ie LIFE !