What Every Woman Should Have

Originally written by Pamela Redmond Satran and was published in Glamour magazine in May, 1997.

What Every Woman Should Have:
-One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to (even if you wouldn’t) and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
-Enough money within your control to move out and rent a place on your own, even if you never want or need to.
-Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
-A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
-A youth you’re content to move beyond.
-A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
-A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
-One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
-A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
-Eight matching plates, wineglasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make your guests feel honored.
-A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
-A feeling of control over your destiny.
-A skin care regime, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
-A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

Every Woman Should Know:

-How to fall in love without losing yourself.
-How you feel about having kids.
-How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
-When to try harder and when to walk away.
-How to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
-How to have a good time at a party you’d never choose to attend.
-How to ask for what you want in a way that makes it most likely you’ll get it.
-That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
-That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
-What you would and wouldn’t do for love or money.
-How to live alone, even if you don’t like it.
-Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
-Where to go – be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a charming inn hidden in the woods – when your soul needs soothing.
-What you can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.
-Why they say life begins at 30.

Learn from your mistakes. Read between the lines.

So you are still trying hard ...to compromise and make it happen.. You got to talk to your innerself. Its the most difficult decision. But defenitly worth your tears and fears. How long do you wanna live under this agony, in pain and soreness that tear you down ? There are a million factors, parents, children, society, money, security ..the list is never ending. The decision is yours and the no one else but you got to live thru.

Rachana Sharma says If you think that these ideas do not work for you, you can start saving money to buy another house , not for your spouse, but for yourself.

1. Marriages are made in heaven but lived on earth.
2. Enjoy the toast if you bought a toaster and juice in case of juicer. Accept that toaster will remain toaster throughout its life. If you open up all of its parts in order to turn it into juicer, beware!! It will be of no use to you.
3. To teach a grown up it is sufficient to mention once or twice. If it is ignored it shows that the person is not ready to be taught yet. To teach somebody, sometimes silence works better and sometimes actions and, trust me, they are louder than our screams and shouts. But if they continue to ignore, the message is clear and loud to you ...Quit trying to impose !!
4. By no means you can make other person ‘understand’ something if he or she is not willing to understand first...Don't waste you energy on never ending arguments.
5. Differences are not always meant to be sorted out; many of them can be enjoyed. And every wrong need not to be corrected.
6. Never lose your focus in life in exchange for the high hopes of marriage. Always have at least one passion in which you can absorb yourself. That is the only key to fulfillment.

Go ahead , live life the way you love it .....

Make the bullies history - Shobha De

As a woman in India, I want to take my personal freedom for granted. Same as men. I am not asking for favours or demanding any concessions from society. All I am saying is, "Leave me alone to decide what is good for me." I don't want to be patronised or talked down to by a bunch of men, or even one man. Anybody, for that matter, even another woman. I hate the arrogance implicit in that. Why should any person believe he or she knows what is in my interests and in the larger interests of society? As an educated, urban adult, I am my own sole responsibility. I am looking for neither protection nor patronage. If I do make mistakes, they are my own, and the responsibility for the same rests with me.

Women remain India's most vulnerable minority. If we allow our agenda to be hijacked by mean-spirited, narrow-minded bigots, we have had it. Not only have we had it, but our daughters and their daughters have had it, too. We are obliged to speak up; no, shout out our objections, here and now, and make sure we are heard.

The only way forward is to form pressure groups and prosecute men like the Mangalore Molesters and the Bengaluru Beasties. For that to happen, we need sufficient numbers to participate in satyagrahas across India. Civil Disobedience brought down an empire not so long ago. These bullies are a piece of toast. Let us make them history.

http://week.manoramaonline.com/

Where words fail to value

I embrace the silence, who wakes up no souls
does not dream to transform
The never-ending journey of change
Oh fear …
You allow me not ..for I loose myself

Desolate, but have u on my side
Hold those droplets in you
For it has no where to go

Voyage is wearing
Where did we get mislaid?
Or is it that never found the way

Lonely in midst of swarm
U soothe my pain; and take me along
In stillness, hold me close
Where words fail to value

Breathe in the armor, Sheild within
layer so thorny that lets no words in

Thoughts are parting,
Seems so haze, frozen inside
Views are gray and talks vague

Paths off beam, leads nowhere
Keep going round n round

Bestow the glow, ray of hope
A reason to reside

One tragedy to another “mishap in progress”.

Life is a constant struggle. You move from one tragedy to another “mishap in progress”. The guardian’s turn detractor’s. Last night at around 10.30pm started getting calls from one of the Policemen who had helped me. Very odd . Why would some body who knows you in an official capacity and had interacted as a part of his duty disturb you late in the night ? Kept thinking the whole night. Was he trying to help me ? Was there something urgent, which could not wait until morning? Moreover the case has been closed, and its been more than a week. Every time the phone rang ..I was nervous. This trauma is gonna last long, not knowing what’s going to happen the next moment ? Waiting for the next abuser? Should I look at everybody at a potential threat??

There is only one answer. One of my friends had told me ….You are “Vulnerable” emotionally, mentally, physically, monetarily and maybe in many more ways. And yes you got to gather more strengh, more courage , more determination to face the challenge ie LIFE !

We teach our daugters to be like our sons, when will we start teaching our sons to be like daughters ?

Day 1 of my campaign , learned a very important lesson. What ever be the circumstances you are in , what ever be the difficulties you face . This is a “Man’s World” and don’t expects your brother’s or uncle’s to even empathize with you. Lucky if your dad still talks to you. ( Am blessed that way) Be prepared to face the biggest opposition from your dear and near. Because we are taught , groomed and brought up to be submissive. The moment you raise your voice , you are a perceived as a threat to the society. You are labeled as a feminist.

Feminism is the belief that women should have equal political, social, sexual, intellectual and economic rights to men. But the way we Indians look at it is very different. For us Feminist is the one who breaks families and lives life for herself. The Selfish , evil side of woman. How strange ?? Is defending yourself or speaking for your sister an evil ? We teach our daugters to be like our sons, when will we start teaching our sons to be like daughters ?

Daughters are taught respect and tolerance, to be obedient and loyal. We also trained them to be brave and educated and be independent. Sons are groomed to hammer a nail or drill a straight hole, things like boxing, shooting, cigars,car/bike maintenance etc., We moms should teach them “empathy” & “compassion” , to be "gentle" and "sensitive" . Most important," To cry when they are hurt and when they hurt others". And a day would come when a Girl will thank you from the bottom of her heart !!!

We can only hope for a better tomorrow. Let join hands and Pray for it.

Proud to be an Indian.

My experiences in the last two weeks have proved that we are safe as citizens of this country in the hands of Mother India.

I am a single mother , a victim of domestic violence :a post graduate working for a software co. in Bangalore. My husband (currently unemployed) also a software professional and we were married for 6years before he threw me out of the house on a chill Sunday night in Decemeber 08. Our only son is 3 yrs. We have had problem with marriage right from the beginning. By the time I found out it was too late. Like any other Indian girl, I tried to “adjust”, “compromise” and then started a saga of emotional abuse.

The trauma was severe on my only child and me. But for some odd reason could never identify what I was going through as Domestic Violence. And went through it for 6 years. All my money was invested towards the household and finally when I was thrown out of the house had absolutely no assets or money. With the help of my parents I decided to live on my own and found a rented place as a shelter ( I have been paying EMI’s for 2 Home Loans and cars) and had nothing registered in my name.

My husband filed a complaint withVanitha Sahayavani (Women's Cell - Bangalore Police Commissioner's Office) and during the counselling session they gave the custody of the minor to me. I was trying to start a new leaf in life quietly.

Last weekend my husband barged into my residence and took away my child and fled from Banglore. It was a Saturday evening and I didn’t know where to go for help. He and his henchmen abused me all night long. What can a single woman do in a big city like Bangalore. I approached help of Vanitha Sahayavani (Women’s Help Line- Commissioner of Police- Bangalore) and they helped me lodge a complaint with Local Police.

I also moved a petition in the Honourable High Court Of Karnataka for Habeas corpus and Govt. of Karnataka helped me get my child back. The Police Department of Kerala also gave me all support.

All these happened in less than 3 days time. My child is back safe in my hands, and I thank God Almighty and the Judicial System and law and order System of our country.

Today I realise that It's the educated , Independent women who are victims of Domestic Abuse ; and we live with it , live through it for our parents and for the society.

Being an ordinary citizen with no political influence or money power I was given Justice ….If I can do it , So can you ....